The End of the Story…then summer break
Because I ‘m a published author I’ve gone through this before. Once I get a story in my “guts” I can’t go at a measured pace until I get the thing done. There’s a down side to doing this which is why I don’t engage in creative writing anymore. Writing this particular story led me into a dark place so I must finish the thing and take a break. I’ll be writing things about my family but they will be funny, warm-hearted and entertaining.
My mother was as feverish and as excited as I have ever seen her in the weeks leading up to up to the wedding. A small mob would be squeezing into our small house after the wedding and my mother made all the food herself. Brought out all her best recipes. What a feast it would be! No caterers for her. This was her baby sister’s wedding and there had been terrible suffering. My father was in charge of the wines and champagne.
I don’t know what went on between my parents but my mother bought me, my sister, and herself gorgeous expensive dresses; I knew how frugal they were but I suppose they agreed to pull out all the stops on this occasion. This is where the Dress of Dreams comes in.
We went to Kaufmann’s department store to go shopping. I was growing and too old for the little girls’ stuff; then there were gowns for older girls. Stuck in the middle! But then we saw the Dress of Gold. It wasn’t a yellow dress; it a dress made of gold-colored cloth. I could tell it was expensive. It had a scooped neckline so I could wear a treasured necklace.
“Oh Mom,” I breathed. “Can I really have this dress?”
My mother wasn’t in the mood to say no to me, since as I said, she wanted everybody to be happy. The dress fit me perfectly.
On looking back it was then that I began to feel an underlying anxiety of which I was not aware. At this time in my life I am painfully conscious of it. My aunt was getting married; she was moving on. As crazy as this sounds, I was losing her. In my childlike way I felt aligned with my mother in that I saw my aunt as the “baby sister!” So strange…
The wedding went perfectly and all the relatives squeezed into our living and dining room. I got to taste champagne. Then in the middle of all this joy, the unthinkable happened; a fit of weeping came over me. Not a few tears—real sobbing. My God I was so embarrassed and I didn’t want to spoil the joyous occasion! I managed to run upstairs, shoving my way through the crowd. I hid myself in the furthest corner, curled up in a fetal position and sobbed my heart out. Then my aunt noticed I was missing and found me like that.
She was distressed and wanted to know what was wrong. I was completely overcome by her sweetness and just shook my head. I didn’t even know the answer…
It was relief, life triumphant over death, “losing” Esther to a new life where I wouldn’t fit in…I don’t know the entire answer even now.
Last comment before I shut down for a few days: the next morning I was coming downstairs and I heard my mother talking on the phone to Bryna. I heard my mother say;
Oh Bryna, I’m basking in the afterglow.